Where I was Free
by Jasmk16
Summary: "It was cold that night," she whispered. "So cold, but I refused to leave this place. I'd seen your car drive up the road so many times before, I just hoped that night would be the same."


**A/N: **I've had this for almost two months now on my laptop and finally finished it.

**Twenty Years **by** Augustana** served as a great inspiration for this, Hope you enjoy!

Not an AU but character are a bit out of role.

I do not own Victorious. ):

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**The Place Where I was Free.**

The harsh wind blew violently against the house causing the old wooden home to creak and echo in response. The sound of water dripping from an old broken faucet over the stacked dishes filled the empty dining room. The table sat ready set for two. Candles sticks had been burned entirely leaving behind a hot puddle of warm wax across the wooden furniture. Perplexed auburn eyes leered out the living room window that gave view to the outside porch. The eyes were glued on a dark haired woman who sat alone on the porch bench, swinging back and forth with colored eyes casted down and head facing out into the open yard. She'd been sitting there for so long, the brunette woman had grown concerned as to what could have possibly caused the woman to settle in such a state. She appeared to be on the verge of tears, almost in agony.

She couldn't take it anymore. The pale woman gave her such a pained look before leaving her to stand alone in the kitchen without a single word. The brown eyed woman felt a wave of guilt fall over her. She'd been too hard on the raven haired woman. She hadn't meant for the words to slip out so harshly, not again, but they'd been out before she could even think. It wasn't Jade's fault, she had every right to be hurt, to be afraid. Tori had created that fear in her. She'd caused that pain in the woman after she'd left once, months ago. Tori wanted to tear her hair out. Why had she told the woman she so desperately loved that? Why hadn't she been able to restrain her tongue? She hadn't meant it. No, she didn't. She didn't want to leave again. Not when she thought about how broken the woman she loved had been. Not when she remembered how much the pale woman had begged her to stay. The look on her face when the angry brunette threatened to leave again caused her chest to constrict painfully.

Softly tugging on a light jacket the brunette made her way through the house and out to the front porch. The sound of the wooden floor creaking claimed the dark haired woman's attention. She tore her gaze away from the hill and looked up at the evidently remorseful brunette. She took a seat beside the silent Goth, her hands trembling in hesitation to touch the woman. She decided it was best not to, not when she'd allowed her to sit so close.

"Jade," the voice was so low and weak, Tori wasn't even sure she'd actually spoken. Before her attempt to speak again, the soft voice of the former singer's voice filled her ears.

"I sat up there all night after you left that day," Jade whispered. Her eyes returned to the hill, the look on her face returning to the pained expression from before. Tori wanted to reach out and comfort the woman as she watched her face contort painfully in recollection of the memory.

"I figured you just wanted to blow off some steam. You'd have to return soon. But as the day ended and the next day began and as I continued to sit, waiting, it hit me. You'd taken all of your belongings. You'd taken your car, not mine like you always did." A soft but audibly tired sigh was released from the woman before she continued. "You were really gone."

A breeze washed over the hill and down the yard reaching the porch. Goosebumps arose across the pale skin as the chilly breeze dance across her exposed arms. Tori had to bite down her tongue and tangle her fingers to keep from taking the shivering woman in her arms and holding her.

Blue eyes examined the lonesome hill. The only other company over it was the large oak tree. Behind the hill she knew she could see the road that led out to the city. It was quite the view, beautiful really, a welcoming sight for a person to come home, and a dreadful one for those who stayed behind watching their loved ones departing into the distance.

"As the day grew colder and longer I continued to wait. Despite my exhaustion, I waited every single day for a year," Jade whispered. She heard the gasp the woman beside her release but kept her eyes over the hill. She'd been sitting out on the bench for the last hour recalling how heartbroken she'd felt after the brunette took off. They'd always fought. It almost seemed normal to them. It wasn't always arguments and disputes between the two. When things were good, they were amazing, but when they were bad, it was like war between them. During that time before the separation the fighting between them had been more and more and for no proper reason. It never made sense. Then one night the arguing and fighting had met their limit and one of them decided that enough was enough, despite everything they'd been through together over the years they just couldn't take, _Tori_couldn't take it anymore.

A small broken smile made its way along the rosy lips. "Cat literally had to drag me in each night. If it hadn't been for her, I'm pretty sure I would have lasted days out there without eating." Again she sighed tiredly, her eyes finally leaving the hill and dropping down to her lap. "So many thoughts crossed my mind when you didn't return that night. I thought something had happened to you, maybe you'd been in an accident and it was all my fault. Maybe I should have tried harder to have kept you here. All I could think was, 'it was my fault'" She paused for a moment Tori almost believed she had stopped completely until she spoke up again.

Her voice sounded heavier than before, there was so much emotion dripping off of it, it was a wonder how Jade remained so composed. Her chin trembled the slightest before she spoke up. "One day I overheard Cat speaking with Beck. She sounded so angry I almost left the room then until your name came up. I could have sworn I felt the room begin to spin. I honestly believed something had happened to you until but Cat said your name. She…" Jade trailed off.

Blue eyes glazed over in memory of the particular day. Cat had been spending everyday with her since the singer's departure. She'd make sure Jade ate, changed her clothes, and always put her to bed. She'd stayed in the guest room down the hall and though the redhead would never speak of it, it tore her apart to hear her best friend cry herself to sleep each night. Jade always thought the smaller girl was asleep when she cried, but Cat never slept, not when Jade was so broken.

…

_**(Flashback)**_

The angry voice carried from the living room. A certain dark haired woman was nowhere to be found. She had gone off for a jog and would not return for hours, or so the visitors believed. From the kitchen room an over exercised woman was steading her breath. She'd been hesitant to go out for a jog that morning, but the small red head was so persistent Jade had no other choice but to agree to it in order to avoid the red headed woman's nagging. The angered voice could be heard from the back yard and as the Goth had drawn closer to the house she'd soon grown to identify her best friend's voice.

"I don't understand why she's being so difficult, Beck. She's not being fair to her at all. It's been a week and she hasn't called once." Cat growled. Jade remained in the kitchen. Surely whatever was bothering the bubbly actress could be dealt with later, she felt so exhausted. Jade began making her way up the stairs when she stopped dead in her tracks at the red head's statement.

"Tori's not coming back. I tried talking to her but..." The rest of the sentence was lost as Jade allowed the words to sink in and began to feel like all the oxygen from the room had suddenly been sucked out leaving her in a drunken phase. A dry sob made its way to her chest, her hand tightly clutching the stair rail.

"_Tori's not coming back_." The words spun in her head. It felt like a drill was digging into her skull. The wretched thudding of her heart felt like someone was pulling at it, tugging and ripping without mercy despite the unbearable pain she was enduring.

Heavy feet dragged themselves up the seemingly endless stairs and led her to the once shared bedroom. Her aching body collapsed down against the bedroom door once it was shut and she began to sob. She didn't know how much time passed, but before she knew it Cat was at her side holding her as the tears and sobs continued painfully. A humming melody from the redhead soothed the tortured woman and soon enough the Goth had fallen asleep. Cat continued to rock her and hum softly. All she could do was hope that in times worth the pain for her best friend would lessen, and if possible soon stop. She hated seeing her in such a state.

_**(End of flashback)**_

**...**

The sun was descending over the hill leaving behind a coat of darkness as the moon began to make its appearance slowly. The auburn eyes stayed glued on the pale woman as the change of lighting on the pale skin highlighted the raven haired woman's beauty. Tori wanted nothing more than to end her lover's pain. She hated that she'd been the cause of all the heartache for the

beauty before her. If anything the last thing Jade deserved was such heartbreak. She'd opened up to Tori, trusted, allowed her to see her at her most vulnerable. And what Tori repaid her with? She had abandoned her when she had been so angry but after cooling down she didn't return. She left the Goth alone, alone for a year without a single word.

As brown eyes looked over the woman she realized that she'd been gone too long. Clearly too long. Everyone was angry with her. Cat, Beck, Robbie, even Andre. They'd all called her, found her, and tried talking to her but she wanted none of it. Deep down Tori had known she'd made the wrong choice by leaving the moment she took off in her car. She'd seen the pleading look in the azure eyes. It had taken every fiber in her being not to turn the vehicle around and run back to the Goth. She slept in her car the first night, shutting her phone off to avoid any contact with the outside world. The stubbornness in her had grown over the years and proved to be harder than she'd have wanted it to be.

A week later when Cat confronted in her office she was almost sure the once bubbly small woman was going to swing on her. The angered look in the once friendly eyes sent a shiver down her. She still remembered that day, of course she did. Cat had more than made sure she did. Brown eyes closed recalling the event.

**...**

_**(Flashback)**_

"Are you stupid or something?" Cat had growled as she snatched the paper out of the singer's hands.

The Vega woman immediately turned around startled at the sudden aggressiveness. She'd been caught off guard too distracted with the thoughts of a certain dark haired woman. "What the hell? Cat?" She nearly fell off her chair when she met the glare of her aggressor. The redhead had been calling her nonstop sense her leave and Tori had ignored every single call sending it straight to voicemail only to receive very angry messages.

"Well?" Cat demanded her anger practically seething from her big light eyes.

Tori returned the glare with less anger and more annoyance. "This isn't your business, Cat." She responded, clearly upset by her friend's attitude. She remained seated and leaned back in her chair turning to look down at her desk. "Did Jade send you?" she asked in a low voice.

Cat scoffed in a dry humorless laugh. "She barely has enough energy to eat. I doubt she'd have any energy to ask for requests." She paused for a moment allowing the words to sink in before speaking again. "You need to go home, Tori." She felt anger bubbling in her when the first statement proved to have no effect on the singer only causing the woman to turn around in her chair and away from her. "She needs you," her words came out more pleading than intended.

Tanned fingers tightened around the arm rests of the chair as the brunette pushed down all sense of guilt. Memories of her and the Goth pried her thoughts as she recalled back to the events leading to the current conversation. "I can't go home," she quietly responded filling the silent air between the two.

"Tori," Cat began.

"No!" Tori snapped. "I won't, Cat. Not this time. Maybe this is for the best."

"The best? The _best_?! Are you crazy?" Cat growled spinning the chair around so the seated woman could look at her. "Don't be stupid, Tori. You're willing to throw away five years because of one fight? Because you THINK it's for the best?!" She eyed her friend in disbelief and shook her head. Her tone dropped in defeat, her shoulders lowering in disappointment. "You're an idiot, Tori. I honestly thought you were better than this. I don't know what has got in to you, but it sure is disappointing." Cat paused to swallow a lump of emotions she felt rising in her throat. "The Tori Vega I know would never do anything like this."

There was a long pause between the two before spoke once more. "She loves you, Tori. Remember that."

It was a moment before the sound of heels fading into the distantly signaled the singer that the smaller woman had gone. Once she was certain she was alone Tori allowed the choked sob to escape her. She knew Cat was right. She needed to go home, but something was holding her from doing so.

Perhaps it was time for Jade and her to let things between them end. It had been five years and they were still on the same page. They were always fighting. No, she couldn't go back home. It WAS for the best. "I'm sorry, Jade," she cried silently in the isolated office. "I'm sorry, she whispered, Cat's words echoing in her head.

"_She loves you._"

(_**End of Flashback**_**)**

**...**

"What did I do wrong?" asked the small voice. That drew the singer's attention back. Brown eyes connected with the azure. A pain struck the brunette's heart when she noticed the insecure look in the once determined colored eyes. She wanted desperately to reach out and touch the woman. She wanted to comfort her and assure her it was not her fault. Not one bit.

"Nothing," she replied struggling to keep her hands down. "You did nothing wrong, Jade. I should have returned. I shouldn't have runaway like that." She swallowed hard knowing she was in no positions to cry. She'd been the cause of the actress' heartache. "I'm so sorry, Jade." The blue eyes gave the pale woman away. She was broken and hurt. She looked so vulnerable and small. Tori could see that Jade wanted to forgive her, but she couldn't. How could she? She hated seeing Jade in such a state. It was wrong. So wrong.

Tori felt panic rise in her when the raven haired woman stood. Colored eyes drifted off to look over at the glowing hill. Only the slightest light of the sun hit the hill giving it an almost glowing look. All during the agonizing seconds Tori felt like pulling her own hair out. She'd taken too long. She'd make a huge mistake by bringing back the words she'd said over a year ago. Jade was done. It was her turn to walk away. Brown eyes closed, her head dropping in defeat as she braced herself to hear the sound of footsteps walking away.

A warm hand took hold of the brunette's hand startling her at the sudden embrace. It had been weeks, months, since Tori had felt Jade's touch. Brown eyes looked up hopefully meeting soft azure eyes. She tried to conjure words, but her mouth only drew blank as they gazed at each other.

"Come with me," Jade finally spoke.

Tori quickly stood ignoring the swimming questions in her head. She wasn't going to let the moment pass not when Jade was holding her hand. Without another word Jade led them up the too familiar hill. Her hand remained locked with the brunette's as they reached the top. The sun had set completely leaving the two women with the moon to accompany them.

Tori shivered. The cool breeze had dropped more destroying any heat the thin light blue sleeved shirt could offer. From the corner of her eyes she could see Jade looking at her. A small smile played her lips as her back leaned against the fairly big tree. Her hand fell from the brunette's, her eyes set on the empty road just below the hill.

"It was cold that night," she whispered. "So cold, but I refused to leave this place. I'd seen your car drive up the road so many times before, I just hoped that night would be the same." She paused smiling sadly. "Did you know this road is pretty familiar to other drivers?" she asked. "At least that night it was," she continued not allowing the other woman a chance to answer. "I must have seen at least fifteen cars that night." Jade sighed. "I didn't give up. I just...I grew tired and fell asleep. When I woke up that morning I hoped I had missed your car in my sleep phase and that you had somehow returned in the middle of the night. I hoped you'd be in our room, in our bed sleeping peacefully, safely." Tori heart clenched at the sound of Jade's voice breaking. "But you didn't." Her voice was so small Tori almost missed. She mentally beat herself up. Jade had waited all night. She'd hoped to find her in the morning.

"Jade," Tori began.

"I was so angry at you," Jade continued ignoring Tori's plea. "I wanted so much to hate you for leaving. For leaving me alone. I wanted to hate you. I wanted to forget you, get you out my head." She cried angrily. "For three hundred and sixty five days I waited for you, Tori. I waited every single day and night. And though a part of me told me I should just give up, I couldn't because giving up meant forgetting you and i couldn't do that! I couldn't forget about you or hate you because I love you. I love you so much. And I know it sounds so pathetic but I don't care. I loved you Tori. I still love you." Tears were streaming furiously down the pale cheeks. She was trembling almost violently. She'd swallowed up all her emotions and contained them in.

The moment Tori had shown up on their door step Jade nearly passed out and though she would have gladly given the young Vega a piece of her mind she was just so happy to see her again. It took them about five minutes before they spoke. Jade had approached her carefully. Her hesitantly hand reaching up to caress the warm tanned cheek making sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. It took all her strength not to smother the woman then and there. They exchanged a brief conversation and agreed to have dinner later that night.

Jade had spent the rest of the day riding up and preparing a meal for the two, but soon after Tori had arrived for the dinner it had gone down with a disagreement that resulted with Tori threatening to leave again. Jade could have sworn her heart fell then. Tori had just returned and in less than twenty-four hours she already wanted to leave again. Instead of arguing she silently exited the house to try and avoid the flash of painful memories she endured after Tori had left. She wasn't sure she'd be able to handle it again it Tori left. She couldn't take anymore.

Blue eyes looked up at brown. Tori let out a sob. She closed the distance between Jade. She couldn't take anymore. She grabbed the pale woman and hugged her. She held her as she cried and broke down in her arms. She held her like she should have the night she had left. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Tori cried.

Jade held on to her desperately not wanting her to leave again. "I don't know if I can handle it if you leave again, Tori. Please, don't leave. Please. I don't want to be alone anymore. I can't do it. I can't live without you," Jade cried.

Tori shook her head violently. She pulled back to look into the blue eyes. Her thumb stroked away the staining tears before she leaned in to capture the much missed lips of the raven haired woman. She kissed her hard and passionately, expressing her regret and hurt. She told her she'd missed her and loved her, too. Still loved her. "I'm not going anywhere, baby," she whispered against the torn woman's lips. "Please forgive me. Please."

Blue eyes finally opened and looked up. She gave a small smile, her hand brushing back an auburn lock. "I forgave you a long time ago," she whispered. She had. She'd forgiven Tori the moment she'd found she was alright. She just couldn't be angry with her. She loved her more than that.

Tori let out a watery smile before capturing Jade's lips once again. "I love you, Jade," she breathed.

Jade rested her head against Tori's shoulder. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe. Actually breathe again for the first time in over a year. Her hand rested over the brunette's chest as she pulled back to look into the deeply missed auburn eyes. "I knew you were okay," Jade whispered.

Tori stared at her with a puzzled expression. Before she had the chance to ask what Jade was referring to, she spoke again. "After I found Cat had talked to you, I mean. I knew you were okay. I just... You were okay because you didn't say goodbye despite how angry you were, you didn't say it. Somehow I just knew that because of if you'd be okay." Her eyes filled with tears.

Tori searched in the azure eyes for a moment and gave a small smile. "Goodbyes are meant for lonely people, Jade," she said stroking away the unwelcome tears from the Goth's face. "I love you so much and I give you my word that I'm not going anywhere. I'm meant to be right here with you in my arms."

Jade nodded and leaned up to kiss the brunette. For three hundred and sixty five days she had waited for the woman she loved to return. She'd waited because she knew there was no other place where'd she could be happy. There was no place but the brunette's arms that let her be free. That was the place where she was free.

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**A/N: **Hey! I'm back! I was kind off for a while busy with school and work.

And a cold knocked me out for a good two weeks, but fear not! I have returned!

So, what did ya think?

Eh? Love? Hate?

Terrible right? I know I know, I need to quit.

**Please review! I love it when you do!**


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